I named the blog "Loving My "Sort Of" Autistic Son" because according to the Arizona Government, Aspergers doesn't really count. I can not get help with Social Skills groups, insurance to cover what his first insurance won't, and other resources that could help Dominic. There is some debate as to whether Aspergers is Autism, if Aspergers is the same thing as 'high functioning autism', or if it's a separate issue altogether. I've heard that this diagnosis is 'going away'. He can talk, he can move around, he can learn and is very intelligent. So most people would assume he is ok and doesn't have any problems.
He can not connect to people emotionally. He can not read people's emotions so he does not know when he has offended someone, hurt someone, or when that person does not want to play with him anymore. He is often in his own world, not hearing or seeing what is going on around him. He collects random things that most people wouldn't find interesting (rocks, plastic tabs from hangers, etc). He has many routines and becomes upset if he has to do things differently, or even just out of order. His clothing has to fit exactly with no tags, nothing sticking into him. If his pants fit in the hips but are a little loose in the waist he gets very irritated. He is obsessed with violence, preferring to play with violence, even at school. He has a hard time controlling his anger and aggression and often lashes out by hitting, kicking and throwing things. If he's in the middle of a story and gets interrupted he has to start over from the beginning; he is unable to pick up from middle. He has a near perfect memory that enables him to memorize tiny details. He's very descriptive in his memories, and able to remind me of things that happened when he was 2 or 3 years old. He is extremely literal, and doesn't understand sarcasm or other nuances of social language.He is extremely picky when it comes to food- not necessarily what he eats but the texture of it.
When Dominic is having a bad day the tiniest thing can set him off and start a tantrum. It's very difficult to know what is going to set him off or anger him because it changes day to day. If this happens in public I often get stares and even comments about how I can't control my child. They don't realize there is a reason for his behavior. There is nothing physically wrong with him, and you can't see mental issues by looking at a child. Everyone should keep that in mind when they see a child misbehaving in public. Maybe they are having a bad day, or they are hungry/tired/hot, or there is an underlying issue going on.
It's so easy to judge. To assume you know exactly what is going on. It's in our nature. But we still have the option to step back and make a different decision. :- )
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
The Basics
My son, Dominic James, was born on February 8th in Watertown, New York. He was a big boy, weighing 8.5 lbs and measuring nearly 22" in length. As every mother says, he was perfect in every way. Dominic and I moved from New York to Arizona when he was 11 months old. It's been me and him ever since.
I always knew something was a little different about Dominic. He started walking at 9 months because he was too impatient to crawl. He cried when wrapped in a blanket, or when there was a tag on his onesie. As he got older, the things he did became more noticeable as off. He would rip his diaper off once it was used (without warning me!). He was potty trained at 2 1/2 because he couldn't stand the feel of the training pants on him either. All the tags had to be cut off his clothes, his socks had to be a certain kind, he didn't like sandals with lots of straps because they touched him too much, attempting to brush his hair or trim his nails was a nightmare for us both. I thought he was just....eccentric.
I have never really been around kids. My sister is 5 years younger than me so that's the whole of my experience. When Dominic was put in daycare, he did...ok. There were a lot of days when they had problems with behavior. See, Dominic didn't listen. He didn't hear what he didn't like. He had no anger control, no impulse control and would steal things that appealed to him, throw things he didn't like, or hit whenever the mood struck him. I thought this was normal for a child, to an extent.
When he still exhibited these behaviors after the age of 3 I started to become concerned. My older brother was a difficult child, maybe it ran in the family, I thought. When he began kindergarten we were both so excited. He wanted to learn. He wanted to be around other kids. He wanted to ride that big yellow bus. By the end of the school year he would claim to be sick in hopes of not going to school, beg me to drive him to school, instead of "making" him take the bus, and he would be crying when he got off the bus in the afternoon.
During his kindergarten year Dominic was suspended 3 times with no school as punishment, and 2 times with in school suspension. After that the school realized that wasn't helping so they started removing him from situations where he "caused problems". He runs around the playground pretending to shoot and stab other students? No more recess! (Actually this came after they made him sit and watch everyone else enjoy recess for a month or so.) He swings his feet and makes weird noises while eating at the lunch table? Make him sit by himself! He yells so he can talk to his classmates while in the cafeteria? Make him eat with the teacher in the classroom. He can't keep his hands to himself, constantly touches other students, talks too much, etc? Put him at his own table right next to the teacher's desk!
My son craved interaction with other students. He couldn't stop himself from touching the other students (hand on their shoulder, standing with barely an inch between them, etc). So they isolated him and made his school day a living hell. About halfway thru the school year I was called to a meeting with the principal, Dominic's teacher and counselor. I heard words like "autistic", "Aspergers", "no empathy", "no remorse for wrongdoing", "no impulse control". Having a 3rd party tell me that there was something wrong with my child hurt more than you can imagine, and woke me up at the same time. I knew. I knew there was something different. But I had been working with it. I figured out ways to interact with my son and help him make the right choices. I didn't know what I was getting into with the school, and I forgot that they couldn't devote the time to learn about Dominic.
At this time they also informed me that Dominic appeared to be disrupting class because he was bored. I knew he could do his homework in 2 minutes, but I didn't realize it was the same in school. Granted, he had been telling me all year that his schoolwork was super easy, but I (as an adult) thought that kindergarten was easy! My son was tested for Gifted Studies and has qualified to be in the PACE program next year. Unfortunately they only pull him out of class for an hour twice a week and give him harder course work. However, his kindergarten teacher will speak with his first grade teacher and advise her to continue giving him harder work in class.
We see a psychologist. Dr Beth diagnosed Dominic and sees him every other week and does behavioral therapy. Honestly I don't think it'll work. Dominic is in his own world and it doesn't matter to him what goes on outside of it as long as his basic needs are taken care of. We see a psychologist. Dr Ruben prescribes medicine to help with his anger/aggression, ADHD and impulse control. It's been recommended that Dominic attend a Social Skills Group (or two), but there are none that take 6 year olds, accept insurance and are close by.
The guilt on my part is never ending. I knew my family's mental health history when I became pregnant. Could I have done something different to change the outcome? Could I have been a better parent and stopped these issues before they happened? Look at what I've doomed my son to live with for the rest of his life. It doesn't go away, and I don't ever expect it to.
My goal is that first grade will be better. Dominic will enjoy learning again. He will make friends. He will be happy.
Learn more about Autism and Asperger's Syndrome:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/aspergers-syndrome/DS00551
http://www.apn.150m.com/default.html
http://www.nichd.nih.gov/health/topics/asd.cfm
I always knew something was a little different about Dominic. He started walking at 9 months because he was too impatient to crawl. He cried when wrapped in a blanket, or when there was a tag on his onesie. As he got older, the things he did became more noticeable as off. He would rip his diaper off once it was used (without warning me!). He was potty trained at 2 1/2 because he couldn't stand the feel of the training pants on him either. All the tags had to be cut off his clothes, his socks had to be a certain kind, he didn't like sandals with lots of straps because they touched him too much, attempting to brush his hair or trim his nails was a nightmare for us both. I thought he was just....eccentric.
I have never really been around kids. My sister is 5 years younger than me so that's the whole of my experience. When Dominic was put in daycare, he did...ok. There were a lot of days when they had problems with behavior. See, Dominic didn't listen. He didn't hear what he didn't like. He had no anger control, no impulse control and would steal things that appealed to him, throw things he didn't like, or hit whenever the mood struck him. I thought this was normal for a child, to an extent.
When he still exhibited these behaviors after the age of 3 I started to become concerned. My older brother was a difficult child, maybe it ran in the family, I thought. When he began kindergarten we were both so excited. He wanted to learn. He wanted to be around other kids. He wanted to ride that big yellow bus. By the end of the school year he would claim to be sick in hopes of not going to school, beg me to drive him to school, instead of "making" him take the bus, and he would be crying when he got off the bus in the afternoon.
During his kindergarten year Dominic was suspended 3 times with no school as punishment, and 2 times with in school suspension. After that the school realized that wasn't helping so they started removing him from situations where he "caused problems". He runs around the playground pretending to shoot and stab other students? No more recess! (Actually this came after they made him sit and watch everyone else enjoy recess for a month or so.) He swings his feet and makes weird noises while eating at the lunch table? Make him sit by himself! He yells so he can talk to his classmates while in the cafeteria? Make him eat with the teacher in the classroom. He can't keep his hands to himself, constantly touches other students, talks too much, etc? Put him at his own table right next to the teacher's desk!
My son craved interaction with other students. He couldn't stop himself from touching the other students (hand on their shoulder, standing with barely an inch between them, etc). So they isolated him and made his school day a living hell. About halfway thru the school year I was called to a meeting with the principal, Dominic's teacher and counselor. I heard words like "autistic", "Aspergers", "no empathy", "no remorse for wrongdoing", "no impulse control". Having a 3rd party tell me that there was something wrong with my child hurt more than you can imagine, and woke me up at the same time. I knew. I knew there was something different. But I had been working with it. I figured out ways to interact with my son and help him make the right choices. I didn't know what I was getting into with the school, and I forgot that they couldn't devote the time to learn about Dominic.
At this time they also informed me that Dominic appeared to be disrupting class because he was bored. I knew he could do his homework in 2 minutes, but I didn't realize it was the same in school. Granted, he had been telling me all year that his schoolwork was super easy, but I (as an adult) thought that kindergarten was easy! My son was tested for Gifted Studies and has qualified to be in the PACE program next year. Unfortunately they only pull him out of class for an hour twice a week and give him harder course work. However, his kindergarten teacher will speak with his first grade teacher and advise her to continue giving him harder work in class.
We see a psychologist. Dr Beth diagnosed Dominic and sees him every other week and does behavioral therapy. Honestly I don't think it'll work. Dominic is in his own world and it doesn't matter to him what goes on outside of it as long as his basic needs are taken care of. We see a psychologist. Dr Ruben prescribes medicine to help with his anger/aggression, ADHD and impulse control. It's been recommended that Dominic attend a Social Skills Group (or two), but there are none that take 6 year olds, accept insurance and are close by.
The guilt on my part is never ending. I knew my family's mental health history when I became pregnant. Could I have done something different to change the outcome? Could I have been a better parent and stopped these issues before they happened? Look at what I've doomed my son to live with for the rest of his life. It doesn't go away, and I don't ever expect it to.
My goal is that first grade will be better. Dominic will enjoy learning again. He will make friends. He will be happy.
Learn more about Autism and Asperger's Syndrome:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/aspergers-syndrome/DS00551
http://www.apn.150m.com/default.html
http://www.nichd.nih.gov/health/topics/asd.cfm
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