During a session with Dominic's psychiatrist a month ago, Dr Rubin mentioned that Dominic should be taught not to touch girls at all. I had thought it would be ok for him to hug them, but only if he asked them first. I was teaching him to ask if a girl wanted to be hugged, or have him standing so close. However, Dr Rubin advised that he had seen many teenage boys with Autism or Aspergers end up in legal trouble for inappropriate touching. This scared me because I could see Dominic as a teenager and not knowing that walking up to a girl and touching her (even if innocently) could get him in trouble. So we started teaching that touching a girl is not allowed.
A couple of weeks ago Dominic brought home the 2nd pink slip of the year. At this point last year we were already up to 4 or 5. Apparently while Dominic was eating lunch he repeatedly said "penis" to the girl next to him. She went to tell after he said he would tell her what it meant. According to Dominic (because his version is always entertaining, even if no where near the truth) he was just whispering "penis" to himself and she happened to overhear. He couldn't tell me why he was whispering "penis" to himself in the middle of lunch though. He was spoken to, but not punished with suspension or detention. I had a talk with him about what is and what is not appropriate to say to girls, or other boys for that matter.
I brought this up during our last session with Dr Rubin. Dr Rubin gave him a lecture on what was ok to say to girls and what was not. At one point Dominic yelled "don't say that!". So Dr. Rubin, funny man that he is, wrote on a piece of paper "do not say anything sexual to girls". I explained that Dominic had no idea what sexual meant so he changed it to "do not say anything about boobs, butts, or penises to girls". Dominic hid under Dr Rubin's desk for most of the talk, but I hoped he at least remembers it. I'm hoping the embarrassment of the whole situation prevents him from wanting to repeat it in the future.
Dominic has been doing pretty well lately. But even Dr Rubin got to witness Dominic's complete lack of impulse control when Dominic started throwing toys around his office. He prescribed a new medicine that he said would help give him some impulse control. Sounds like a miracle to me, but I said we'd give it a try. So far all I've noticed is that it makes him pass out. I looked it up online and was surprised to find that it is used for high blood pressure! I could not find any off label uses for ADHD or impulse control or anything like that! I am calling the doctor today for an explanation. Soon after taking the medicine Dominic starts saying odd things. Like "I can't feel my legs" or "My nose feels swollen". I am so terrified that I am hurting him with these medications. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing.
I do think the Abilify is a good choice though. Dominic is doing so much better in school this year. He's getting along with everyone, excelling on his school work, and has only been in trouble twice. We had our first parent teacher conference last week. It lasted 4 minutes because Dominic has no problems with school work. His reading assessment scores are a full point higher than the school and district average. On their scale they want kids to be at 19 points at the end of the year for first grade. That was his score three weeks into school. His math scores are 98%, reading 100% and writing 99%. His handwriting became incredibly neat and readable one day. It was completely out of the blue! I took a story out of his bag and was so surprised I actually asked him if he had written it. He said yes, and that he had decided to write neat now. His intelligence never ceases to amaze me. I am so grateful and happy that I do not have to worry about his school work.
This week is fall break. He has homework to do so he doesn't lose any skills. I'm on vacation and we have absolutely nothing planned. I'm looking forward to spending some quality time with him. :- )
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Friendships
Dominic has been doing really well in school. He's had a few rough days where he couldn't follow directions or was too touchy-feel with other students. There was one incident report from last week though. Dominic was spinning in circles with his hands on his hips and elbows out on the playground. According to him, another student came too close and was hit in the chest with his elbow. The report stated that Dominic had punched the child though. Even with this set back, this year is much better than last. At this point last year we already had 3 or 4 incident reports!
There are two boys who live in our apartment complex and ride the bus with Dominic in the afternoon. They have come over to play a few times. Each time is incredibly nerve racking for me. I want Dominic to have friends, and I have to stop myself from constantly correcting him and trying to help him keep friends. I do remind him (before they come over) to let them decide what they what to do. Dominic is incredibly bossy and always wants to direct the play, at times even forcing the other person to do what he wants. He has shown great restraint when the boys come over though. Although there are a few issues, such as violent playing, or giving his toys away, it seems to be going rather well.
I've explained to Dominic that he may not see things they way that most people do. I tell him that I will help him understand how to make and keeps friends, and what he can and can not do or say to other people. Sometimes he listens to my hints, but most times he just blatantly ignores me. I just hope that one day it will start to sink in. My main points are to not be so bossy, let others take control and follow along, and not point out things that might be embarrassing (such as "why are you missing part of your arm?"). Every day brings new understanding about Dominic for me. It's been really hard to understand the way that he thinks and does things. But it's been getting better and that's very encouraging.
There are two boys who live in our apartment complex and ride the bus with Dominic in the afternoon. They have come over to play a few times. Each time is incredibly nerve racking for me. I want Dominic to have friends, and I have to stop myself from constantly correcting him and trying to help him keep friends. I do remind him (before they come over) to let them decide what they what to do. Dominic is incredibly bossy and always wants to direct the play, at times even forcing the other person to do what he wants. He has shown great restraint when the boys come over though. Although there are a few issues, such as violent playing, or giving his toys away, it seems to be going rather well.
I've explained to Dominic that he may not see things they way that most people do. I tell him that I will help him understand how to make and keeps friends, and what he can and can not do or say to other people. Sometimes he listens to my hints, but most times he just blatantly ignores me. I just hope that one day it will start to sink in. My main points are to not be so bossy, let others take control and follow along, and not point out things that might be embarrassing (such as "why are you missing part of your arm?"). Every day brings new understanding about Dominic for me. It's been really hard to understand the way that he thinks and does things. But it's been getting better and that's very encouraging.
Friday, September 2, 2011
IEP....or 504??
The first meeting with Dominic's teacher, counselor, PACE teacher, kindergarten teacher and school psychologist was this past Wednesday. At first I was feeling rather defensive. The psychologist explained that to have an IEP, Dominic has to be having a problem with his education. Dominic is very smart. She explained they would test his IQ and if it's in the average range, but his educational performance is lower than average, he would qualify. I doubt Dominic is in the average range. I wanted to ask them to test him anyway because I'm curious as to if there is a difference in his IQ and his performance.
Then the counselor said she doesn't think Dominic needs an IEP. She then brought up a 504 plan. "A 504 plan spells out the modifications and accommodations that will be needed for these students to have an opportunity perform at the same level as their peers." (http://specialchildren.about.com/od/504s/f/504faq1.htm) They explained what it was, what it was used for and then the counselor said she doesn't think Dominic needs that either. When she said that I became annoyed. They weren't offering help for him, they were just telling me what he doesn't need!
At this point his kindergarten teacher spoke up. She said she believes Dominic needs a 504 plan because that way it's set every year, no matter what school we go to, what Dominic needs to thrive in school. Most of what is being done for him now they kept calling "good teacher practices". For example: preferred seating, having him help out in class, encouraging other classmates to praise him when he does something right (such as apologizing, letting someone else take the lead, etc.), and giving him harder course work. Mrs. Fletcher (kindergarten teacher) pointed out that not every teacher would think to do those things for Dominic. Also if we switched schools, we'd be starting all over. They wouldn't just take my word for what needs to be done for Dominic.
After all this discussion it was determined we would do a 504 plan for Dominic. I could've cheered! The first meeting to get that started is next week. I hope this will be the best action to help Dominic. Unfortunately I'm wading thru the dark here and I only know whether it was the right choice when it's too late to change my mind!
As a side note, at one point during the meeting Dominic's current teacher, Ms Jurado, was explaining what Dominic does when "forced" to apologize and say sorry. He grabs his throat and says it hurts to say the word. He has done this with me as well and I never understood what was going on, why he would say that. Ms Jurado said to him "That's emotions, Dominic." It was like a light bulb went off! I knew Dominic has a hard time with other people's emotions, I never realized it was difficult for him to deal with his own as well. Now that I know it'll be a lot easier to handle. :- )
Then the counselor said she doesn't think Dominic needs an IEP. She then brought up a 504 plan. "A 504 plan spells out the modifications and accommodations that will be needed for these students to have an opportunity perform at the same level as their peers." (http://specialchildren.about.com/od/504s/f/504faq1.htm) They explained what it was, what it was used for and then the counselor said she doesn't think Dominic needs that either. When she said that I became annoyed. They weren't offering help for him, they were just telling me what he doesn't need!
At this point his kindergarten teacher spoke up. She said she believes Dominic needs a 504 plan because that way it's set every year, no matter what school we go to, what Dominic needs to thrive in school. Most of what is being done for him now they kept calling "good teacher practices". For example: preferred seating, having him help out in class, encouraging other classmates to praise him when he does something right (such as apologizing, letting someone else take the lead, etc.), and giving him harder course work. Mrs. Fletcher (kindergarten teacher) pointed out that not every teacher would think to do those things for Dominic. Also if we switched schools, we'd be starting all over. They wouldn't just take my word for what needs to be done for Dominic.
After all this discussion it was determined we would do a 504 plan for Dominic. I could've cheered! The first meeting to get that started is next week. I hope this will be the best action to help Dominic. Unfortunately I'm wading thru the dark here and I only know whether it was the right choice when it's too late to change my mind!
As a side note, at one point during the meeting Dominic's current teacher, Ms Jurado, was explaining what Dominic does when "forced" to apologize and say sorry. He grabs his throat and says it hurts to say the word. He has done this with me as well and I never understood what was going on, why he would say that. Ms Jurado said to him "That's emotions, Dominic." It was like a light bulb went off! I knew Dominic has a hard time with other people's emotions, I never realized it was difficult for him to deal with his own as well. Now that I know it'll be a lot easier to handle. :- )
Saturday, August 27, 2011
My Guilt
This is very difficult for me to write about. I can spend all day talking about Dominic and his struggles. Opening up about myself is very different. However, I think at this point it is necessary. This past Wednesday Dominic and I visited his psychiatrist, Dr. Rubin. Dominic has been very irritable this past week, snapping at every question, and screaming or making noises when I try to speak to him. Dr. Rubin thought the Adderral might be agitating him, so we stopped it. He is currently taking just Abilify, but we upped the dose a bit. On Friday we visited his psychologist, Dr. Beth. I asked her how long it takes for the Adderral to get out of Dominic's system, because he was still incredibly irritated. When she said it's a daily drug and it's long gone out of his system, I started crying. If it's not the medicine, and his behavior is ok at Grandma's house, and doing good at school, then what's left? It has to be me, right? I'm the one who has the most problems with Dominic, so I must be doing something wrong.
Dr. Beth pulled me out of the room and talked to me about "situational depression". She suggested I see a counselor and/or consider medication. She said if I don't take care of myself then I can't help Dominic. A lot of the things she has suggested we try haven't worked because there is too much negativity in the house. When she said this I realized it was true. I've been sluggish, tired all the time (even more so than normal considering my job), haven't been cleaning the house or car like I used to, and I've had a general sense of hopelessness. I feel selfish being depressed because that takes time away from him.
Now that I think about it, I can trace these problems back to May, when Dominic was diagnosed. I immediately felt weighed down with guilt. My family has a history of mental problems, such as bi-polar, depression, ADHD and ADD. I brought a child into this world knowing my family history but completely ignorant of the consequences. When Dominic was a young child, I knew something was off. I knew he wasn't like other kids, but I didn't know what the issue could be and I wanted to pretend he was eccentric. If I had brought him in sooner could he have been helped enough for him not to have problems in school? Did I hurt him by waiting until I was told by an outside source that there was something wrong with him?
We have been working with Dominic on behavioral therapy and medication for four months. It's very difficult to determine whether or not there is improvement in his behavior. We've had quite a few good days, where he listens, does what he's told, and doesn't hit me. But is he just having a good day? Or is it the medication/therapy finally working? When he has nothing but bad days for a few weeks, did the medicine stop working, or is he just having some bad days? There is so much confusion and very little answers.
I want so many things for Dominic. I appreciate his many skills, and his strengths, but I think I focus too much on what needs to be "fixed". I think I will see a counselor. I wish that I could find someone that has experience with families with Autistic children. There are support groups out there, but none close and the times they meet are not workable for us. I want to be able to handle all of this by myself. I want to be the strong Mom, who helps her child and does it without complaints. Realizing that no one like that exists is a hard pill to swallow.
Dr. Beth pulled me out of the room and talked to me about "situational depression". She suggested I see a counselor and/or consider medication. She said if I don't take care of myself then I can't help Dominic. A lot of the things she has suggested we try haven't worked because there is too much negativity in the house. When she said this I realized it was true. I've been sluggish, tired all the time (even more so than normal considering my job), haven't been cleaning the house or car like I used to, and I've had a general sense of hopelessness. I feel selfish being depressed because that takes time away from him.
Now that I think about it, I can trace these problems back to May, when Dominic was diagnosed. I immediately felt weighed down with guilt. My family has a history of mental problems, such as bi-polar, depression, ADHD and ADD. I brought a child into this world knowing my family history but completely ignorant of the consequences. When Dominic was a young child, I knew something was off. I knew he wasn't like other kids, but I didn't know what the issue could be and I wanted to pretend he was eccentric. If I had brought him in sooner could he have been helped enough for him not to have problems in school? Did I hurt him by waiting until I was told by an outside source that there was something wrong with him?
We have been working with Dominic on behavioral therapy and medication for four months. It's very difficult to determine whether or not there is improvement in his behavior. We've had quite a few good days, where he listens, does what he's told, and doesn't hit me. But is he just having a good day? Or is it the medication/therapy finally working? When he has nothing but bad days for a few weeks, did the medicine stop working, or is he just having some bad days? There is so much confusion and very little answers.
I want so many things for Dominic. I appreciate his many skills, and his strengths, but I think I focus too much on what needs to be "fixed". I think I will see a counselor. I wish that I could find someone that has experience with families with Autistic children. There are support groups out there, but none close and the times they meet are not workable for us. I want to be able to handle all of this by myself. I want to be the strong Mom, who helps her child and does it without complaints. Realizing that no one like that exists is a hard pill to swallow.
Monday, August 22, 2011
IEP...
I sent a letter to the school on August 15th, requesting my son be evaluated for an IEP. I still haven't received a call to set up the initial meeting! This meeting is just to give Dominic's history and give permission to start the testing. I don't understand why it's taking them so long!
One of my co-workers, Michelle, has a mother who teaches classes on IEP's, parent's right and the law regarding it all. Michelle told her mother what I've been going thru and she's very upset! Apparently once I notified them of Dominic's diagnoses, even over the phone, they have 30 days to start evaluating AND they should have started (and maybe even finished) the process over the summer!! The school's psychologist told me last May that it was too late in the school year to start the process, that it couldn't be done over the summer and it'd be fine to start at the beginning of the new school year. Turns out she went on maternity leave over the summer. Seems a bit suspicious, doesn't it??
I will be calling the new psychologist tomorrow. The problem is that I sleep until 3:30 pm because I work 3rd shift. Hopefully she is still answering her phone after 4 pm, since I need to get Dominic from the bus stop just before that time first. It really upsets me that they are pushing this back and don't seem concerned about helping Dominic. According to my co-worker I can contact the district because the school is not following the law. I'm not a person that likes confrontation, but I'm about ready to take it on anyway.
Wish me luck!
UPDATE: The school counselor called me today and set up the initial IEP meeting!!! It's set for next Wednesday at 3:45 pm. Finally!!
One of my co-workers, Michelle, has a mother who teaches classes on IEP's, parent's right and the law regarding it all. Michelle told her mother what I've been going thru and she's very upset! Apparently once I notified them of Dominic's diagnoses, even over the phone, they have 30 days to start evaluating AND they should have started (and maybe even finished) the process over the summer!! The school's psychologist told me last May that it was too late in the school year to start the process, that it couldn't be done over the summer and it'd be fine to start at the beginning of the new school year. Turns out she went on maternity leave over the summer. Seems a bit suspicious, doesn't it??
I will be calling the new psychologist tomorrow. The problem is that I sleep until 3:30 pm because I work 3rd shift. Hopefully she is still answering her phone after 4 pm, since I need to get Dominic from the bus stop just before that time first. It really upsets me that they are pushing this back and don't seem concerned about helping Dominic. According to my co-worker I can contact the district because the school is not following the law. I'm not a person that likes confrontation, but I'm about ready to take it on anyway.
Wish me luck!
UPDATE: The school counselor called me today and set up the initial IEP meeting!!! It's set for next Wednesday at 3:45 pm. Finally!!
Friday, August 12, 2011
First Grade!
Dominic started First Grade this week.When he got off the bus on the first day, he was all smiles and proudly told me that he didn't get in trouble at all! He didn't have any problems taking his medicine at school and he got to sit next to his (new) best friend Nathan. They weren't even disruptive or talkative all day! Dominic wants to have friends so badly, but he doesn't know how to interact with other people, and often loses friends within a day or two. Here's hoping this friendship lasts longer and is more fulfilling for Dominic.
I was so nervous for him to start school again. Last year was a bad year. Before school started Dominic was so excited to ride the big yellow bus, hang out with friends, and go to school. By the end of the year he was faking being sick, and begging me to let him stay home, and begging me to drive him to school so he didn't have to sit in the back of the bus! I am still nervous about this year. Dominic is supposed to have an IEP set up, but the school is procrastinating on it. Because he started on medication over the summer, they want to wait and evaluate him to see if he still "needs" the IEP.
We saw Dominic's psychiatrist yesterday, Dr Rubin. Dominic has been clearing his throat incessantly and blinking his eyes a lot. Dr Rubin recognized it as a vocal and facial tick. So we took him off the Risperidone and switched him to Abilify. I thought that was for depression, but apparently that is a new use. It's been used for years for ADHD, schizophrenia and bi polar disorder. I'm starting to lose count of how many different medications/dosages we've tried so far. And the journey has only begun.
I spoke to Dr Rubin about the school waiting on the IEP. He wrote a letter saying that Dominic is in treatment for Asperger's and ADHD and he believed an IEP would greatly help him in school. I tasked Dominic with delivering the letter to the principal and he performed beautifully! I received a call from the school special education teacher who actually took the time to explain the process to me. Apparently, I need to write a letter to the school requesting a psychological evaluation. We will have a meeting where I give them permission to test him, and provide his background history. The testing can take up to a month to complete! They will be doing several tests, including an IQ test. This is to see if there is a large discrepancy between his academic performance and his IQ.
After the testing we have another meeting where the results are given. There may be a 3rd meeting to actually go over the IEP. The special ed teacher will write a draft and send it home about 48 hours before the 3rd meeting so I can review it and make changes/suggestions. I'm concerned because Dominic performs very well academically. He completes his work rather quickly, then he's bored and interrupts other students! I'm not sure if they are going to just set up a behavioral plan or do an actual IEP. Either way there are quite a few things I would like done for Dominic and I'm going to get my way eventually!
Here is an example of an IEP for a student with Aspergers:
http://www.smelena.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=6:daniels-ieps&catid=2:ieps&Itemid=5
I was so nervous for him to start school again. Last year was a bad year. Before school started Dominic was so excited to ride the big yellow bus, hang out with friends, and go to school. By the end of the year he was faking being sick, and begging me to let him stay home, and begging me to drive him to school so he didn't have to sit in the back of the bus! I am still nervous about this year. Dominic is supposed to have an IEP set up, but the school is procrastinating on it. Because he started on medication over the summer, they want to wait and evaluate him to see if he still "needs" the IEP.
We saw Dominic's psychiatrist yesterday, Dr Rubin. Dominic has been clearing his throat incessantly and blinking his eyes a lot. Dr Rubin recognized it as a vocal and facial tick. So we took him off the Risperidone and switched him to Abilify. I thought that was for depression, but apparently that is a new use. It's been used for years for ADHD, schizophrenia and bi polar disorder. I'm starting to lose count of how many different medications/dosages we've tried so far. And the journey has only begun.
I spoke to Dr Rubin about the school waiting on the IEP. He wrote a letter saying that Dominic is in treatment for Asperger's and ADHD and he believed an IEP would greatly help him in school. I tasked Dominic with delivering the letter to the principal and he performed beautifully! I received a call from the school special education teacher who actually took the time to explain the process to me. Apparently, I need to write a letter to the school requesting a psychological evaluation. We will have a meeting where I give them permission to test him, and provide his background history. The testing can take up to a month to complete! They will be doing several tests, including an IQ test. This is to see if there is a large discrepancy between his academic performance and his IQ.
After the testing we have another meeting where the results are given. There may be a 3rd meeting to actually go over the IEP. The special ed teacher will write a draft and send it home about 48 hours before the 3rd meeting so I can review it and make changes/suggestions. I'm concerned because Dominic performs very well academically. He completes his work rather quickly, then he's bored and interrupts other students! I'm not sure if they are going to just set up a behavioral plan or do an actual IEP. Either way there are quite a few things I would like done for Dominic and I'm going to get my way eventually!
Here is an example of an IEP for a student with Aspergers:
http://www.smelena.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=6:daniels-ieps&catid=2:ieps&Itemid=5
Saturday, July 23, 2011
The Weird Stuff
I named the blog "Loving My "Sort Of" Autistic Son" because according to the Arizona Government, Aspergers doesn't really count. I can not get help with Social Skills groups, insurance to cover what his first insurance won't, and other resources that could help Dominic. There is some debate as to whether Aspergers is Autism, if Aspergers is the same thing as 'high functioning autism', or if it's a separate issue altogether. I've heard that this diagnosis is 'going away'. He can talk, he can move around, he can learn and is very intelligent. So most people would assume he is ok and doesn't have any problems.
He can not connect to people emotionally. He can not read people's emotions so he does not know when he has offended someone, hurt someone, or when that person does not want to play with him anymore. He is often in his own world, not hearing or seeing what is going on around him. He collects random things that most people wouldn't find interesting (rocks, plastic tabs from hangers, etc). He has many routines and becomes upset if he has to do things differently, or even just out of order. His clothing has to fit exactly with no tags, nothing sticking into him. If his pants fit in the hips but are a little loose in the waist he gets very irritated. He is obsessed with violence, preferring to play with violence, even at school. He has a hard time controlling his anger and aggression and often lashes out by hitting, kicking and throwing things. If he's in the middle of a story and gets interrupted he has to start over from the beginning; he is unable to pick up from middle. He has a near perfect memory that enables him to memorize tiny details. He's very descriptive in his memories, and able to remind me of things that happened when he was 2 or 3 years old. He is extremely literal, and doesn't understand sarcasm or other nuances of social language.He is extremely picky when it comes to food- not necessarily what he eats but the texture of it.
When Dominic is having a bad day the tiniest thing can set him off and start a tantrum. It's very difficult to know what is going to set him off or anger him because it changes day to day. If this happens in public I often get stares and even comments about how I can't control my child. They don't realize there is a reason for his behavior. There is nothing physically wrong with him, and you can't see mental issues by looking at a child. Everyone should keep that in mind when they see a child misbehaving in public. Maybe they are having a bad day, or they are hungry/tired/hot, or there is an underlying issue going on.
It's so easy to judge. To assume you know exactly what is going on. It's in our nature. But we still have the option to step back and make a different decision. :- )
He can not connect to people emotionally. He can not read people's emotions so he does not know when he has offended someone, hurt someone, or when that person does not want to play with him anymore. He is often in his own world, not hearing or seeing what is going on around him. He collects random things that most people wouldn't find interesting (rocks, plastic tabs from hangers, etc). He has many routines and becomes upset if he has to do things differently, or even just out of order. His clothing has to fit exactly with no tags, nothing sticking into him. If his pants fit in the hips but are a little loose in the waist he gets very irritated. He is obsessed with violence, preferring to play with violence, even at school. He has a hard time controlling his anger and aggression and often lashes out by hitting, kicking and throwing things. If he's in the middle of a story and gets interrupted he has to start over from the beginning; he is unable to pick up from middle. He has a near perfect memory that enables him to memorize tiny details. He's very descriptive in his memories, and able to remind me of things that happened when he was 2 or 3 years old. He is extremely literal, and doesn't understand sarcasm or other nuances of social language.He is extremely picky when it comes to food- not necessarily what he eats but the texture of it.
When Dominic is having a bad day the tiniest thing can set him off and start a tantrum. It's very difficult to know what is going to set him off or anger him because it changes day to day. If this happens in public I often get stares and even comments about how I can't control my child. They don't realize there is a reason for his behavior. There is nothing physically wrong with him, and you can't see mental issues by looking at a child. Everyone should keep that in mind when they see a child misbehaving in public. Maybe they are having a bad day, or they are hungry/tired/hot, or there is an underlying issue going on.
It's so easy to judge. To assume you know exactly what is going on. It's in our nature. But we still have the option to step back and make a different decision. :- )
Thursday, July 21, 2011
The Basics
My son, Dominic James, was born on February 8th in Watertown, New York. He was a big boy, weighing 8.5 lbs and measuring nearly 22" in length. As every mother says, he was perfect in every way. Dominic and I moved from New York to Arizona when he was 11 months old. It's been me and him ever since.
I always knew something was a little different about Dominic. He started walking at 9 months because he was too impatient to crawl. He cried when wrapped in a blanket, or when there was a tag on his onesie. As he got older, the things he did became more noticeable as off. He would rip his diaper off once it was used (without warning me!). He was potty trained at 2 1/2 because he couldn't stand the feel of the training pants on him either. All the tags had to be cut off his clothes, his socks had to be a certain kind, he didn't like sandals with lots of straps because they touched him too much, attempting to brush his hair or trim his nails was a nightmare for us both. I thought he was just....eccentric.
I have never really been around kids. My sister is 5 years younger than me so that's the whole of my experience. When Dominic was put in daycare, he did...ok. There were a lot of days when they had problems with behavior. See, Dominic didn't listen. He didn't hear what he didn't like. He had no anger control, no impulse control and would steal things that appealed to him, throw things he didn't like, or hit whenever the mood struck him. I thought this was normal for a child, to an extent.
When he still exhibited these behaviors after the age of 3 I started to become concerned. My older brother was a difficult child, maybe it ran in the family, I thought. When he began kindergarten we were both so excited. He wanted to learn. He wanted to be around other kids. He wanted to ride that big yellow bus. By the end of the school year he would claim to be sick in hopes of not going to school, beg me to drive him to school, instead of "making" him take the bus, and he would be crying when he got off the bus in the afternoon.
During his kindergarten year Dominic was suspended 3 times with no school as punishment, and 2 times with in school suspension. After that the school realized that wasn't helping so they started removing him from situations where he "caused problems". He runs around the playground pretending to shoot and stab other students? No more recess! (Actually this came after they made him sit and watch everyone else enjoy recess for a month or so.) He swings his feet and makes weird noises while eating at the lunch table? Make him sit by himself! He yells so he can talk to his classmates while in the cafeteria? Make him eat with the teacher in the classroom. He can't keep his hands to himself, constantly touches other students, talks too much, etc? Put him at his own table right next to the teacher's desk!
My son craved interaction with other students. He couldn't stop himself from touching the other students (hand on their shoulder, standing with barely an inch between them, etc). So they isolated him and made his school day a living hell. About halfway thru the school year I was called to a meeting with the principal, Dominic's teacher and counselor. I heard words like "autistic", "Aspergers", "no empathy", "no remorse for wrongdoing", "no impulse control". Having a 3rd party tell me that there was something wrong with my child hurt more than you can imagine, and woke me up at the same time. I knew. I knew there was something different. But I had been working with it. I figured out ways to interact with my son and help him make the right choices. I didn't know what I was getting into with the school, and I forgot that they couldn't devote the time to learn about Dominic.
At this time they also informed me that Dominic appeared to be disrupting class because he was bored. I knew he could do his homework in 2 minutes, but I didn't realize it was the same in school. Granted, he had been telling me all year that his schoolwork was super easy, but I (as an adult) thought that kindergarten was easy! My son was tested for Gifted Studies and has qualified to be in the PACE program next year. Unfortunately they only pull him out of class for an hour twice a week and give him harder course work. However, his kindergarten teacher will speak with his first grade teacher and advise her to continue giving him harder work in class.
We see a psychologist. Dr Beth diagnosed Dominic and sees him every other week and does behavioral therapy. Honestly I don't think it'll work. Dominic is in his own world and it doesn't matter to him what goes on outside of it as long as his basic needs are taken care of. We see a psychologist. Dr Ruben prescribes medicine to help with his anger/aggression, ADHD and impulse control. It's been recommended that Dominic attend a Social Skills Group (or two), but there are none that take 6 year olds, accept insurance and are close by.
The guilt on my part is never ending. I knew my family's mental health history when I became pregnant. Could I have done something different to change the outcome? Could I have been a better parent and stopped these issues before they happened? Look at what I've doomed my son to live with for the rest of his life. It doesn't go away, and I don't ever expect it to.
My goal is that first grade will be better. Dominic will enjoy learning again. He will make friends. He will be happy.
Learn more about Autism and Asperger's Syndrome:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/aspergers-syndrome/DS00551
http://www.apn.150m.com/default.html
http://www.nichd.nih.gov/health/topics/asd.cfm
I always knew something was a little different about Dominic. He started walking at 9 months because he was too impatient to crawl. He cried when wrapped in a blanket, or when there was a tag on his onesie. As he got older, the things he did became more noticeable as off. He would rip his diaper off once it was used (without warning me!). He was potty trained at 2 1/2 because he couldn't stand the feel of the training pants on him either. All the tags had to be cut off his clothes, his socks had to be a certain kind, he didn't like sandals with lots of straps because they touched him too much, attempting to brush his hair or trim his nails was a nightmare for us both. I thought he was just....eccentric.
I have never really been around kids. My sister is 5 years younger than me so that's the whole of my experience. When Dominic was put in daycare, he did...ok. There were a lot of days when they had problems with behavior. See, Dominic didn't listen. He didn't hear what he didn't like. He had no anger control, no impulse control and would steal things that appealed to him, throw things he didn't like, or hit whenever the mood struck him. I thought this was normal for a child, to an extent.
When he still exhibited these behaviors after the age of 3 I started to become concerned. My older brother was a difficult child, maybe it ran in the family, I thought. When he began kindergarten we were both so excited. He wanted to learn. He wanted to be around other kids. He wanted to ride that big yellow bus. By the end of the school year he would claim to be sick in hopes of not going to school, beg me to drive him to school, instead of "making" him take the bus, and he would be crying when he got off the bus in the afternoon.
During his kindergarten year Dominic was suspended 3 times with no school as punishment, and 2 times with in school suspension. After that the school realized that wasn't helping so they started removing him from situations where he "caused problems". He runs around the playground pretending to shoot and stab other students? No more recess! (Actually this came after they made him sit and watch everyone else enjoy recess for a month or so.) He swings his feet and makes weird noises while eating at the lunch table? Make him sit by himself! He yells so he can talk to his classmates while in the cafeteria? Make him eat with the teacher in the classroom. He can't keep his hands to himself, constantly touches other students, talks too much, etc? Put him at his own table right next to the teacher's desk!
My son craved interaction with other students. He couldn't stop himself from touching the other students (hand on their shoulder, standing with barely an inch between them, etc). So they isolated him and made his school day a living hell. About halfway thru the school year I was called to a meeting with the principal, Dominic's teacher and counselor. I heard words like "autistic", "Aspergers", "no empathy", "no remorse for wrongdoing", "no impulse control". Having a 3rd party tell me that there was something wrong with my child hurt more than you can imagine, and woke me up at the same time. I knew. I knew there was something different. But I had been working with it. I figured out ways to interact with my son and help him make the right choices. I didn't know what I was getting into with the school, and I forgot that they couldn't devote the time to learn about Dominic.
At this time they also informed me that Dominic appeared to be disrupting class because he was bored. I knew he could do his homework in 2 minutes, but I didn't realize it was the same in school. Granted, he had been telling me all year that his schoolwork was super easy, but I (as an adult) thought that kindergarten was easy! My son was tested for Gifted Studies and has qualified to be in the PACE program next year. Unfortunately they only pull him out of class for an hour twice a week and give him harder course work. However, his kindergarten teacher will speak with his first grade teacher and advise her to continue giving him harder work in class.
We see a psychologist. Dr Beth diagnosed Dominic and sees him every other week and does behavioral therapy. Honestly I don't think it'll work. Dominic is in his own world and it doesn't matter to him what goes on outside of it as long as his basic needs are taken care of. We see a psychologist. Dr Ruben prescribes medicine to help with his anger/aggression, ADHD and impulse control. It's been recommended that Dominic attend a Social Skills Group (or two), but there are none that take 6 year olds, accept insurance and are close by.
The guilt on my part is never ending. I knew my family's mental health history when I became pregnant. Could I have done something different to change the outcome? Could I have been a better parent and stopped these issues before they happened? Look at what I've doomed my son to live with for the rest of his life. It doesn't go away, and I don't ever expect it to.
My goal is that first grade will be better. Dominic will enjoy learning again. He will make friends. He will be happy.
Learn more about Autism and Asperger's Syndrome:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/aspergers-syndrome/DS00551
http://www.apn.150m.com/default.html
http://www.nichd.nih.gov/health/topics/asd.cfm
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